My Most Embarrassing Moment…

–I find humor in anything and everything. You can not take yourself so seriously! And I don’t, not because life is too short but because it is too good!
I was playing my favorite bi-weekly game that I like to call “PilloFiate” or as normal people called it “Pillow Fights.” I was attempting to do my signature move “Nakabitchdon”… say it really slowly, and you’ll understand. My opponent threw me a curve ball, I had to protect myself, and so, I attempted to do a backwards roll….attempted is the keyword… I rolled directly into a trash can, yes; I literally rolled into a trash can… I didn’t see my life flash before my eyes, but I did see some form of flashing…but I won’t get into that… I mean… at least no one saw…right? In all honesty, that’s not that bad in comparison to my other embarrassing moments…. Like that time…(Day dreaming music…. La la la)
Sylmar, CA—I was in the 5th grade…. ACTION: 7:40am. My sister and I are awakened by the restless sound of our herding dog, Daphne. 7:45am: After falling back asleep, we are awakened again by the sound of the relentless herding dog. 7:50: After falling back asleep, we awakened by a fed up herding dog and our older sister. The walls vibrated as the symphony echoed throughout this humble house on Casio Blvd. An inharmonious clatter, which I assumed to be dishes flying, beer bottles breaking, doors slamming…the sound of furniture incinerating from abandoned cigarette ash. Possibly. As I sat there thinking, “I wonder what’s for lunch today?” I felt my arm socket flirting with separation; luckily my body was sure to follow. Surprisingly, 7:55am: “Its pizza day!”… We made our way outside into the dry heat that consumed the entire San Fernando Valley. The dust rising out from under feet we were noble horses, “AND THEY’RE OFF!” We began our quest of…
Actually, at that point I was only focused on the pizza… So, yeah… I suppose that’s a quest … We began our quest “to get to school before someone calls Child Services on you again and then everyone will blame you.” Ok… I got carried away. The point is… my legs became irritated from the oppressing uniforms we were required to wear. I felt like thousands of ants had taken residence upon me. We almost made it and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel… well the food at least. I could feel my synthetic dooky braids swaying and slapping me in the face, as my hot pink bracket fell, leaving a trail from my house to the courtyard. In the morning when the bell rang for school to begin, everyone in the entire K-8th grade school, had to line up for their classes like the military, in perfect placement.
And of course, my class was all the way in the back, and that meant I had to walk in front of all those kids to get to my homeroom. And then we finally we made it to the house of learning, running our separate ways. I began to descend down the middle of the damaged blacktop concrete, where the entire roaster of my school had conformed on each side. I was gone with the wind, in 60 sec, my braids flying elegantly in the air and I was one with the world, with nature and I ran like Forest Gump. I smelled pizza and it distracted me and my head turned back towards the cafeteria, unfortunately, my feet headed towards homeroom and the rest of my body didn’t, and I fell on my face and my skirt flew up, revealing my “Little Mermaid” undies, in front of the entire school.
But I still got my PIZZA. That’s one of many stories. BUT I REFUSE TO TELL THE STORY ABOUT ME RUNNING MY SELF OVER WITH MY CAR, OR THE POOL STORY! Some things are better left unsaid.